Lost Thoughts
by RoyallyRed
Summary: A collection of one shots. Some stories, other poems. The first is Lori regarding her new found pregnancy. Reviews are appreciated and ideas and suggestions welcomed.
1. How Can I Tell You: Lori

A/N: Lori regarding her pregnancy and how to tell Rick

How can I tell you?

How can I tell you? How can I say? This is the worst time possible. Our marriage was in tatters, long before the world began to shatter. I never meant to cheat, I never wanted to lie. But they all told me you were dead, dead, destined to die. How can I tell you?

Your son is growing older, in this horrendous world. He is yet another, who should be told. Your best friend saved us all, after you fatal fall. What will happen now, after your return? Even with the world slowly dying, left to burn? Each passing day and the pain grows worse. In soul, in my body and my mind of course. How can I tell you?

What can I say? It's all my fault. When they found you, love surrounding you, our eyes met. I knew it was time. I knew the end was coming. You held me in your arms and told me you loved me. I muttered it back, not meaning it at all. The secret I'm keeping could end with a fall. How can I tell you?  
>The secret grows, I can feel it kick. My stomach grows larger, I feel sick. I send the young man on a supply run, he brings back what I need. Thank heaven for him, although I am filled with such greed. The pills are swallowed down, in a rushed moment you see. I can't go through with this, no one can save me. How can I tell you?<p>

We sat down, alone. No one else around. I took your hands, you held my heart. I began to tell you, it was hard to start. Who was the father? No one knows. That's where the shame comes, as the evidence grows. I hope you can forgive me, and understand why. Your child is coming, I must bear it alive. How can I tell you?


	2. Dearest Sister: Andrea and Amy

A/N: A poem about Andrea and Amy, as Amy's death draws near. I hope you like it.

Dearest Sister-

Deep breaths in, trying not to sin. To kill is unforgivable, never mind if the circumstances are trivial. Lift the gun and feel the sun, morning has begun. I held you all night and you put up a good fight, you tried with all your might. But dearest sister of mine, it's the end of the line.

Secrets and whispers, forever beloved are you my sister. Row a boat out to the lake, our safety there was never at stake. Reminisce the days and say our peace, mention our fathers memory, none the least. Tie the bait, throw the hook, never look over your shoulder if it shook. That was our time away, and I wish we could've stayed. But dearest sister of mine, it's the end of the line.

Break into a store with a cop, pick up a priceless mermaid prop. Can I keep it, do you mind? It's the end of the world, and it's my find. I brought it back for your birthday, which was moments away. You left for a minute and it all began, there it happened. It hit the fan. But dearest sister of mine, it's the end of the line.  
>Your shoulder was bit and your face began to fall, right then and there I should've ended it all. After the war was over and we had won, I rushed to the one, the one I loved. My love, my sister, my little one, the damage was done. You were fading, and fading fast. I spoke with you and reminisced the past. You couldn't speak, there was no life left, but I spoke for us both, my sister. But dearest sister of mine, it's the end of the line.<p>

I hooked the necklace around your neck, dreaming of the day we'd be united in heavens sect. Your eyes fluttered open, but alas they were not yours. They belonged to the dead, devouring other was your chore. You reached for me, and I reached for you, time was up, I knew what to do. I whispered goodbye and cocked the gun, you'll never again see the sweet sun. It's over now, and I mustn't scowl. But dearest sister of mine, it's the end of the line.


	3. Last Dance: Lori and Rick

A short little song-fic. If you so chose, I highly suggets listening to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers song, "Mary Jane's Last Dance." Enjoy and Review.

Screams. They echoed through the prison and bounded off the walls. He knew it was happening and knew what it meant. He prepared himself, and ran to her. There. There she stood. She was covered in sweat,pregnancy glow as she liked to call it, and shivering. A pool of liquids stood at her feet and she fought to keep her balance. "Oh Lori.." Rick sighed. She looked up. "Rick! The baby.. It's coming." She said tearfully. "I know." He soothed, taking her into his arms.

"I wanna hold the baby. I wanna see the baby. I wanna watch it grow up. And play with Carl. Oh Carl! I'll never see him again. I'll never see anyone again!" She sobbed. "Shh. Shh. You don't know that." Rick tried to calm her. "Rick. I'm gonna die. Or the baby will. And no way is this baby dying!" She howled with pain. "I'm so sorry." He muttered. "Rick. I wanna dance. Before I die. Just one more time." She whimpered. He held her close and swayed her gently as she struggled through the contractions.

He hummed their song softly. It wasnt romantic, it had no special meaning, it was nothing special. But it was their song, regardless.

"Last dance with Mary Jane,  
>One more time to kill the pain.<br>I feel summer creeping in,  
>And I'm tired of this town again."<p>

"Remember when we met? How I was barely 18 and legal? How you told me you loved me?" She whispered. He nodded and sang. She screamed and he laid her on the bed, calling for Carl and Herschel. They came running, and through and emergency C- section, a baby girl was born. But Lori never saw the baby. Never held her only daughter close. Never was able to say "I love you."

As she laid dying from blood loss, saying her goodbyes, Rick asked them for privacy in her final moments. He held her close as she closed her eyes forever. He stood up slowly, knowing what he had to do. Out came his gun and these final words as the bullet soared through her skull "I Tried."


	4. Bleed Just To Know You're Alive: Beth

A/N: A short story about Beth and Andrea, concerning Beth's suicide attempt. I wish the show woulda had more on this, but alas it did not. So, here ya go. Reviews are valued.

The girl wouldn't even look at her. She didn't seem to look at anyone, let alone talk to them. Who could blame her though? Days earlier, she had seen her undead mother and brother waltz out of a barn. Even worse, when she had rushed to her mothers side, the zombie attacked her, hungry for flesh. As she was pulled away, she saw people re-kill her mother. Her own flesh and blood. The woman who brought her into this world, raised her, loved her, and almost brought her out of the world. The blank look on her face showed no emotion, her tangled blonde locks showed no care, her pale blue eyes showed no happiness. And not for the first occasion in her life, Andrea could relate. While the two were physically and mentally alike, Andrea knew they were nothing alike in the ways of emotions. While Andrea pushed everyone away and didn't want help, Beth's eyes seemed to beg her help and advice. So that's exactly what Andrea gave her.

"Lori wanted me to bring you this." Andrea said, handing the younger blonde a glass of water. Beth's emotional face lifted as did her hand to take the glass. She raised it to her lips, but Andrea stopped her. "Put the glass in front of you face." She commanded. Beth silently obeyed. "Looks a heck of a lot different with a new point of view, now doesn't it?" Andrea questioned. The crystal clear glass and misty exterior made the water look mystic, causing Beth to stare longer than she should have. "Look. When my sister died, I was destroyed. When she came back I was devastated. At the CDC, I wanted to end it, kill myself. I almost did. But Dale sat with me, wouldn't live. Told me 'if you stay here, I'm saying with you. And it'll be my blood on your hands.' And you know what? I couldn't have that. I got up and I decided to live." Andrea said, a fire in her eyes. Beth simply nodded, still silent.

"Look. The pain doesn't go away, you just have to make room for it." Andrea stated. "It's your choice. I know exactly what's running through your head. You want to be dead. You want it to be all over. But here's the thing. Do you really want it to be over?" Andrea emphasized the word 'over'. "Lori's gonna tell you that you'll get married. Have a baby. Heck, maybe even twins! But you won't. I know that. I won't. You won't. None of us will. But it's up to you to fight for yourself, or quit for yourself. It's all up to you." Andrea gave a weak smile. "I don't know what I'm gonna do." Beth whimpered. "I can't tell you what to do. No one can." Andrea sympathized. Andrea took Beth's hand and put it over the young girls heart. "Feel that. It's your heart. It's alive, it's pumping blood." Andrea stated before leaving.

Hours later, Beth sat in the bathroom. She thought of Andrea. She heard her sister pound on the door, her father break it down. She saw her wrists being stitched, the shock in everyone's eyes. And when Andrea heard the news, she could only say one thing. "She wants to live."


	5. Bad: Carol

A/N: A short llittle poem about Carol and Ed.

He's bad they said That word always in her head.

She pushed the feelings down and fought them away But the girl big blue eyes knew he was there to stay. She cried and lied and maybe a piece of her soul died. He meant the world to her, and to him she meant nothing at all, just his back up call. He's bad they said, that word always in her head.

Undeniable is her love, even if he forces it away with a shove. Bruises and scars from bad decisions made, the light in her eyes began to fade. He's bad they said, that word always in her head.

Promises made and lies told, a piece of her soul could never be sold. Bound and tied to the one she loved, she could have swore he was a gift from above. He's bad they said, that word always in her head. Tears fall from her gentle face, she desperately aches for a loving embrace. She swore it was love and that he cared, even if he broke the promises they shared. He's bad they said, that word always in her head.

Nothing gets better with age, especially not his rage. Her voice is softer, her soul diminishes, her sweet blue eyes wait the pain the never finishes. Run away to hide and pray, hoping she'd make another day. He's bad they said, that word always in her head.

She thought she would be happy, seeing him lie there dead. Too bad all she felt was remorse, putting that pick axe through his head. The pain was finally gone and done, even if it had cost her beloved freedom. The words spun in her head, she knew what they said. He's bad, and cruel, but now who had ended up the fool?


	6. Cruel Destiny: Jacqui

A/N: A little story about Jacqui. Although she was a minor character, I feel as though she needs more attention than what she received in her short lifespan on the show.

Mama told her she would amount to nothing. She sat at the kitchen table, a small child, trying hard to behave. Her mama stirred the pot on the stove, before she told her. "You'll never be anything. You'll give up some day. I know you will." Had been her mothers harsh words. She hadn't known her destiny then.

Mr. Lee told her she would amount to nothing. Working in that Chinese restaurant and had been her first and worst job. It seemed she could never do anything right. "Why don't you give up already?" The elderly man snapped at her one day after she spilt a plate of fried rice. She hadn't known her destiny then.

Waldo told her she would amount to nothing. Even her cat, the one she had looked so long for, rejected her. She worked for the city, never had time for him. The looks he gave her, even as a cat, made her heart ache and her soul cry. She hadn't known her destiny then.

Her boyfriend,Lewis, had told her she'd be nothing. It seemed she couldn't ever do a thing right. She tried to cook his favorite meals, tried to be patient with him, tried to be the perfect girlfriend. When she had caught him cheating, he had told her that she had been a waste of his time. Maybe that one had hurt her the worst. She hadn't known her destiny then.

The timer at the CDC began to count down. She held Dr. Jenner's hands, tears behind her eyes. This was it, her escape. She glanced around, feeling at peace with herself. Maybe all those people had been right, maybe some had been wrong. But she knew now. She knew now what her destiny was. And Jacqui was ready for it.


End file.
